The Internet – Muhammad Ali, the legendary boxer and activist who passed away last Friday after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease, is not planning to return to this earthly plane to unleash fists of fury on those who disrespected him or the causes he fought for.
He is not going to creep up to your bed in the middle of the night, say: “I glide like a cheetah, box like a kangaroo, and now I will hit you, because that’s the right thang to do,” and then hit you with surprisingly solid ghost fists. No matter how terrible the things you said may have been.
The ghost of Muhammad Ali will not move through your bathroom door and then tell you: “I fought for my rights like I fought in the ring, and now I’ll kick your throne because I’m the true king.” And not just because the metaphor is at least a little bit unclear. He won’t say it because he won’t be kicking your throne, no matter how much you deserve it.
You won’t have to call Kristen Wiig and whoever else is in that movie to save you, because if you need saving it won’t be from a pugilist poltergeist. Which is fortunate, because busting Muhammad Ali’s ghost would be rather unpopular.
Finally, he will not be telling you: “I was the greatest, now I’m the greatest spirit, and I still pack a punch, you don’t want to be near it” and then show you first-hand why you don’t want to be near his punch. It’s not going to happen.
Probably not going to happen.