Millions of Aunts and Grandmothers Going to Jail For Unwanted Kisses

Because it is now considered acceptable to accuse someone of sexual assault for nothing more than a kiss on the cheek without gaining explicit permission to do so, for the sake of legal consistency the United States will now send almost all of its aunts and grandmothers to jail for kissing their younger relatives on the cheek without these children giving true verbal consent beforehand.

Sometimes children say “okay, fine” when told by parents to let their aunts and grandmothers kiss them, but that is not true consent because of the power structures involved in which the child can get in trouble with his or her parents for refusing the affection of the older relative.

Of course, you could say that this argument is a poor argument because these grandmotherly kisses are not sexual in nature, BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Not about the kisses being sexual in nature, because they are not, but the argument is not a poor one because accusers these days appear unconcerned with whether the intent involved anything more than a slightly overenthusiastic display of affection, but whether the subjects of the affection were made to feel uncomfortable.

Unless one is an unabashed perpetrator of villainy then one should not strive to make others uncomfortable, so making others uncomfortable can be construed as problematic. However, it is highly inconsistent from a logical perspective to get all bent out of shape about crossing a line when two adults are involved and not being upset about this same line regarding cheek-kisses being crossed when the cheek being kissed belongs to a child. And these children are made uncomfortable by these kisses because if they were not then they would not try to avoid them.

Therefore, simple logic dictates that these millions of aunts and grandmothers have broken the law and should therefore be sent to jail.

Not just that they should be, but if this country makes any sense at all then they will be. And if the jails fill up and a certain incarcerated Professor needs to be freed because of this, then this is a small price to pay for making sure that renegade aunts and grandmothers are brought to justice.


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