Festivus Miracle: Professor Huzzah Regains Posting Privileges

In a move resulting in immense sadness for Professor Huzzah’s multitudes of fans, the authority figures at the Professor’s current place of residence showed themselves to be horrible tyrants by temporarily forbidding the former educator from sharing his thoughts with the world. A hastily written post suggesting that one type of unwanted kiss on the cheek is not significantly worse than another was derided as “offensive” and “insensitive” and therefore considered grounds for suspension.

This suspension was not lifted until today.


If you are ignorant and do not know the meaning of hazzuh, you should know it is huzzah spelled backwards and therefore as negative as huzzah is positive. This act of censorship caused much distress for someone who was already greatly inconvenienced, but due to the suspension this distress was impossible to express to the public for several excruciatingly long days.

The suspension was appealed on the grounds that offense was taken due to misunderstanding of the post, and the response to this was: “Oh, you’re misunderstood, are you? I bet next you’re going to tell us that you are not guilty.”

To tell the truth, which I generally do unless lying is more convenient or more fun, I am not guilty. I feel no guilt over what I have done, all of which was done in the pursuit of the worthy goal of obtaining massive power for myself. This would be good for everyone since I would be in charge of the United States of America rather than the lunatic who thinks that Nigerians who are able to afford to travel to the USA were not able to afford a home which is not a hut. Any regrets which I may have stem from my temporary failure at global conquest, not from any laws or moral rules which may have been broken during my efforts.

Also, even if my intent was to be disrespectful toward the rights of women, should that have been a shock? Should I be expected to be nice? I AM A BLOODY SUPERVILLAIN, NOT A SOCIAL WORKER, AND ANYONE WHO CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE DESERVES TO SUFFER AT THE MERCY OF ONE OF MY TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED DEVICES ONCE I AM ALLOWED TO USE ONE AGAIN! In case my shouted declaration wasn’t clear enough, I have also constructed a meme image demonstrating my feelings on sensitivity and similar complex emotions.



According to the people whose job it is to keep an eye on my neighbors and me, I may be overly optimistic regarding my prospects for freedom, especially considering my predilection for professing villainous intent. This may be true, but in seemingly hopeless situations sometimes a bit of unfounded optimism is the only way to keep going.


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